No More Of This Shit

I knew it was going to happen eventually.
I was going too well for too long.
i binged and binged and binged.
i dont think ive ever binged so much. it lasted the whole day.
it was uncontrollable like some kind of disease.
this morning i weighed 109...no change to what i was.so tomorrow, im back. back to the determined person i was.
food is clogging up my mind. skinniness is taking over my thoughts and dreams.
i want it so bad and im willing to do anything to get there.
ive been watching loads of thinspirational things on youtube and bbc iplayer.
its given me tips and helped me so much. i recommend looking at them.

im dying to execise but ive hurt my ankle playing hockey on friday. im not sure what ive done to it, but i can hardly walk on it. i might have to go up the hospital. i hate hospitals.
i hate them. ill avoid going to one by all means.

im not going to binge again. (i no its unlikely but hey, im gonna do my best)





by the way, this is me. i thought id put some of me up, im a bit scared that someone will find them, but i doubt anyone ever will.

hope you guyss are all well.

im loving you all loadss

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Feeling Finee

Woww man, another good day.
ive finally got my willpower back.
the feeling is amazing.

ive been absolutely freezing all day which is a good sign.
i havent eaten anything all day in school.
and when i got home i had a salmon salad. and thats all im eating today

and last night i had a dream.

i was skinny. so skinny. about 95lbs and my english teacher (he's my fave teacher, absolutely nuts and just too funny, but he can also be serious, like he was in my dream) was trying to take me to a anorexia clinc in the city. he was also trying to make me eat.
id eat but just spew it back up.
very random, but i was quite happy that i was so skinny. it gave me motivation.

and now i feel like i got a head ache coming on.
:)

im so happy. i hope i can stay like this. keep losing.
i'll be perfect.


hope your all good my lovelies

xxxxxxxxx

woooop

Just a quick blog,
im off to the gym in a bit.

today has gone really well.
i intended on fasting for today, but as im off to the gym i ate spagetti on toast.
roughly 130 cals.
am i being silly or is bad to go to the gym when you havent eaten all day?

forr lunch i went up the villiage with 2 of the girls, who thankfully dont seem to notice what i buy. i bought water an sugar free gum.

i hope i can keep this up for the rest of the week.

stay skinny

xxxx


***UPDATE***

Had a fabulous work out in the gym, it was packed tho.
done about 40 mins on the x trainner, another 40 on the bike and about 20 on the rowing machine.
i say fabulous, but i could have done more. as i was with four of the girls, i had to leave eailer, otherwise i would have stayed.

when i came home, my mother asked if i was hungry. (i was a little bit, but ive began to love the empty feeling again so i didnt want to eat)
i knew she wouldnt rest until i ate, so i had toast and light garlic & herb philly.
(about 80 cals with the bread...i supposee)

i was watching a very thinspiration tv program eailer called supersized vs superskinny.
basically one very morbitly obease person had to swap their diet with a 6 stone woman.
the fat woman was disgusting. there were scenes of her in her underwear...which almost made me feel sick.
how could anyone let themselves get so digusting?

anywayyss i should be doing my maths homework which is due in 2moroo so ill leave it there for now. :)

hope your all good my lovely little anas :)

xxxxx

Good Day

Helllo my lovely people.

i donee well today, only really ate
a handful of grapes, cabbage
and a carrot.
and a 90cal special k bar.

im getting better, slowly but surely.

i also had parents evening today
too embarassing lol
& thankfully my weight wasn't brought up once! :)
my english teacher said i was the sharpest in the class :)

lol

ill quit my bragging now ;)

im intending on buyin a multi-vitamin in the week, ive ran out.
any suggestions on which brand to get?
i dont think mine is very good "/
not like i really no...i jus got the feeling.

hope your all well an kickin

love you
xxxx

Sorted

Thanks for the comments on yday's post
your all very supportive i gotta say :)

i woke up this morning feeling a bit worse for wear. but then Aaron came round unexpectedly at 10 am. very unlike him, as hes in love with his bed.
i answered the door cuz my mother was taking my step dad to the airport.
he gave me a bunch of flowers and said that he was really really sorry.
he said he didnt mean for it to come out like that an that he was gonna love me jus the way i am.
:)

i felt like i was bridget jones lol.

so we then endured pretty amazin make up sex which put me in a high happy mood all day.

i did mean to weigh myself but it sliped my mind...so ill update my weight blog tomorrow.
ive packed my lunch for tomorrow and this week im clamping down for sure.
i might even try a liquid fast...but its gunna be hard to do with my mother around. ill do it tho :)

can anyone recommend me any good foods to do on a liquid fast? cuz i only know soup. or is that the only one? lol
ive only done water ones in the past, but as i said with my mam its guna be hard.

love you guyss

xxxxx

Fuck.

Today has been an absolute nightmare.
actually no. worse than that.

it started off ok...i had a nice lie-in and whatever.
my parents were away for the day, so i asked my boyfriend to come down.
we watched american pie and then things heated up.

we did what your thinking, and when i was getting dressed back into my clothes...Aaron*(my bf) said that i was looking a lot more skinner than i used to.
(i am fucking fed up of this...fair enough if i was losing the pounds but i dont seem to be!)
he said that he doesnt like the fact that im geting smaller and says he wants me to put on some weight.
(LIKEEE FUCKK!)
so i told him no. im happy small and i dont wanna change. i also said that he should love me the way i am and not be telling to change.
he started getting a bit angrier saying i looked frail and he could see my bones and it turned him sick.
i really cant believe he said this. i started filling up and told him to fuck off. and if i made him feel sick he should just leave.
so after a bit of more shouting an shit...he left.

im so upset. i cant believe the boy that i love, who ive been going out with for a year told me i turn him sick.

hes tried to ring me quite a few times but i aint picking up.
ive never seriously argued with him before and im scared.
i dont wanna lose him. but im not gaining weight for anyone.

i love him so much.
but if i turn him sick maybe hes not worth my love.

so when he left i binged. then i made myself sick.
something i havent done for a very long time.
im such a wreck.

Lovin My Followers

Hiyaa Guyss.

Ive been better since my last post...even though ive found it hard.
which never normally is a problem for me.
ive got the determination, but its my parents/friends.
if i lived on my own, this thing would be simple. but everyones on my case, raising the eyebrow if i havent got food in my hand.

ive been reading a few of your blogss girls and i am offically addicted to them
Kat + Anna are ones i can think of off the top of my head
you guys inspire me loads.

im about to go bowling with my boyfriend and five of his friends ....god help me.
i know most of them but im meeting 1 or 2 for the 1st time tonight.
and no doubt ill be expected to eat a mcdonalds. :( i wont eat it tho. hellll no.

im absolutely dreading monday.
its parents evening.
i have to attend with my mother. (my parents are divorced and my father couldnt care less about me)
im a all round good pupil, im expected As and stuff but im worried about my biology/form tutor teacher metioning my weight loss to my mother. and my pe teachers have commented on it while ive been changing for the lesson. oh shit i hope they dont day anything.

well im off to put my slap on.

hope your all good.

lovee you
xxx