Monday, 29 December 2008

Home Again...

Back from my so called 'party'
not excactly the best rave i've ever been to, thats for sure.
One of my boyfriend's friends, and now a close friend of mine, ended up practically shagging this man beast. the size on her made me shiver. how can you look at yourself and be happy with the appearance looking back? i'm sorry if i sound bitchy, but if you saw her you might understand. she wore a skirt + tights in an atempt to look girly but her legs shoulders and face told a different story. I think she had facial hair. Anyway, i think i'll stop being a bitch now.

I ended up drinking 2 cans. but you can't really say that i drunk 2, cuz i left half of the 1st one and the 2nd. Yuck i hate lager more than i did to begin with. I scared to go back on the scales tho. I've got another party tomorrow too. Then a new years eve party up a club, which i'm dressing up to go to.

I'm going to be so fucking fat when i'm finished. I wish alcohol weren't so many calories!

I'll work them off tho. Ill make sure of that!

Thanks to everyone following my blog by the way, i'm chuffed that people find reading about my shitty life interesting.

Love you all ana buddies.


Happy Happy Happy

I just stepped on my scales which have finally been brought up from my garage,to find that i have lost 5 pounds since saturday. I am obviously over the moon, but i'm not sure how this as happened. I can't say i've been eating well. ( eailer i was pigging out on doritos) so i'm not really sure how i managed it.

Never mind. if i manage to keep it off, i would have reached my next weeks target :)

but i'm kinda going to a party in a bit and i'm expected to drink.
cuz my stupid boyfriend has gone and got a crate of larger (which i absolutely HATE) and expects me to pay money towards it. Yeah thanks for asking me 1st dipshit. I think he thought he was being thoughtful but the last thing i want to do now is drink, now that i've lost 5 pounds. They'll be back on my fat hips before i can say 'my boyfriend's an idiot'

So i'll just drink one an pretend i feel sick.

i wonder if he bought larger cause he knows i hate it then he can drink more. "/

Aww well i'm going to eat some oats-so-simple.
i don't wanna be getting steaming of my one and only can. That would make me look like a right nob.

Stay strong my buddiess :)

love you all


Sunday, 28 December 2008

Counting Down The Days...

Havent particually eaten much today, I went over my fathers for lunch, and left most of it. I said i hadn't long got up and was still full from breakfast, (a non-extintant breakfast by the way)
and then later my boyfriend came round, and i nibbled on a few haribo.

But last night i pigged out on pringles in the middle of the night, while watching family guy. I don't partically regret it, as the urge was overwelming. And although i'm cutting down, i'm not starting the serious stuff until January, when school starts back. Its easier then. Also not eating in school time has its perks as i lose the fat, and save money :).

+ Also i want to enjoy the rest of my hoildays, as im sure all you guys want to do too. No one wants to be stressing when we're supposed to be celebrating.

love you all guyss


Saturday, 27 December 2008

Goood Moood

Im happy today, no apparent reason why, but i am :)

ate pickles and salad and have drunk 2 bottles of evian (the best water around)
has anyone noticed how much nicer evian is than tap water? or even the other types of water?
i used to hate the taste of water, i honestly used to want to throw up. but evian is the best thing since silced bread really :L

ok im finished.


i've started a email account which all of you pro-anas are welcome to add, you know if you need to chat, im here for you guys. :)

email me or whatever :)

i'll prob leave another blog after, im not as busy in these christmas holidays as i thought i would be!

lovee you all


Friday, 26 December 2008

Boxing Day

i think I've changed my mind about the "Christmas spirit" thing...
as today turned out to be a total success. :)
i had most of my family over my house today, aunties uncles that kinda thing and my mother as usual, provided a huge buffet.
i looked at it thinking, i really could do without eating all that shit.
so i took the smallest plate there and helped myself to the carrots and celery and the smallest piece of chicken.
i sat down an began eating, expecting my mother or someone else to start telling me to eat more, but everyone was too busy getting drunk or eating themselves to care what i was doing.
so i picked on my food...doing the thirty chew thing which really works on making me full.

So I've decided Christmas is a good time for losing the pounds, as everyone is too preoccupied with themselves to care what your doing. :)

i feel ive dun well today, i haven't weighed, as the scales is in a box somewhere in the garage cause i've recentely moved and i think my mother would get suspicious if i asked for the garage keys.

i think im improving guys, im def looking forward to new year when i can get down to serious weight loss. i wanna look f-iiiiiiii-nnn-e :)

love you all guys
stay safe


Thursday, 25 December 2008

Christmas Day

Christmas Day!
You guys must think i'm a freak being on here today, but as i had a new laptop i thought i might as well log on for a bit :)

In my opinon this time of the year is the worst for us anas. Food is a hugeeee part of christmas and I'm not sure about everyone else, but i for one is surrounded by my family pestering me to try their homemade mince pies or christmas pudding.
So, as much as i hate to admit i'm eating. The last thing i want is my mother to take me to the doctor again, moaning that i'm not eating.
Because this time round, I've got experience and i no that i don't want to get this time.

So i'm sorry for giving into the christmas spirit, but i hope you understand its either this or therapy.

I wont be leaving many blogs now until after new year, when i buckle down and get back to the old me.

Also thanks to my follwers much appreciated.
I'll make my blog more interesting when i get time :)

Peacee out anas

lovee you all


Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Crappy Day

Not particually happy today...had a bit of a binge.
I'm trying to lose at least 5 pounds for the new year's party I'm going too, but if I carry on I ain gonna fit into my costume which is meggga slutty :)
I'm not a slut by the way, but I do love (as most girls do) dressing as one lol. The other-half ain too happy about it, but I couldn't care less!!
I started of the day fine... I only drank evian but then at lunchtime I ate a packet of crisps (which weren't exactly fat-free) and lemonade (full sugar, damn it).
So tonight I've decided to go for a run in the freezing cold :). There's nothing better than the fresh feeling you get when running in the cold. It's fab. Which should burn those bastard cals off.
But first I'm heading to the retail park to buy my boyfriends christmas pressie. I've definately left it too late this year and if the stupid thing is sold out, I won't be very friggin happy.
But after new year, there will definately be no more binges.
I'm turning over a new leaf :)
I want to get down to 110 pounds by March, + if these binges stop, I'll get there in no time.
It shouldn't be too hard to lose the 5 pounds, as I've taken to not taking my lunch money to school. It's great cause you save money and lose the fat.

So I'm off to go shopping, prayer for his present to be in stock!!!!


Monday, 15 December 2008

Here I Am.

It seems that no-one understands me lately. So I've started this blog, hoping that it will stop me feeling so alone.
I started feeling consious about my weight ever since I started high school. (I'm now in year 11 doing my GCSEs). The friends I made were great, really nice girls, but after a few months of getting to know them, I felt like they were talking behind my back, laughing at me.
I always thought I was a average looking girl, nothing particually special, but not ugly either.
But as I grew older, and wiser if anything, I started to question my appearence.
I lost the self-confidence I had and insted of pointing out the good things that I had, I would notice the bad things.
I know that's understandable being a teenage girl but it's what changed me really.
So for a while, I stopped eating. I felt there was no point.
But after a month or so, I started getting compliments and I felt like the girls were including me more. Like asking for my opinion on things and ask me to sleepover and go places with them.
I figured it was because I was losing weight, somthing I definately needed to do (not that I knew that at the time I stopped eating)
So insted of being to depressed to eat, I became determined not to eat for a reason, scared that I would become the old me, the one that got left out and laughed at.
I also started exercising, something that gave me (and still does) such a awesome rush.
But as parents do they got in the way. Saying they were worried about me blah blah, not letting me make excuses to miss a meal. My mother even called my school explaining that she was worried that I wasn't eating, so my teachers started interfering with me, keeping me behind lessons to ask I was ok. I really got pissed off with it.
Thoughout the last few years I've been diagnosed with anorexia and been to see about a million doctors who all seem to get more stupid than the one before.
But despite my doctors, parents and teachers atempts, I'm still here, with my ED and happier than ever.
So screw you if you want to tell me what I've already been told a thousand times before. I really don't care what you think.
I'm here 'cause it can get lonely and I'm not the only one who is pro-ana.
So if like me, your Ana, and not regreting it one bit, rock on keep fighting.

I'll be here for you guys, as I hope your here for me :)