Sunday, 29 March 2009

Starting Over

hi guyss

had my first proper argument with my boyfriend last night and today. it was horrible. i cant stand arguing with him thats why we never have. but i was fed up of running back to him. i told him that he needed to try and prove to me that he loved me more cuz he doesnt that often. and he did not like that. but we've made up now. lol

done not to good this past few days but thankfully my mother has become a member of this awesome posh gym and shes put me down on this thing so i can go too. im chuffed :)

i got my friends birthday meal tomorro evening and then on friday a huuge party with everyone i ever met going to be there. i've ordered my dress...i absolutely love should get here by tomorro i hope it fits! if its too small or something ill fast until friday. that oughta make me slimmer.

oh well im off to bed folks love you all


Monday, 23 March 2009

Update On My Life :) post the other day was a slightly drunken one but i think i done ok considering :L...
i made an absolute tit outta myself that day... i think thats why i shouldnt drink. ever.
i dont wanna go into it, ill cringe too much.

i weighed the other day to find im down to 107! thank god i know its only two pounds but 109 was starting to get me down. i hope ill keep it off. :)

i feel really weird right now tho. i didnt eat all day... not intentionally as i wanted to have something little to speed up my metabolism but on the bus home i felt bad...also due to me not drinking enough i suppose...i might start taking them big 2 litre bottles to school. i might look stupid carrying one of them around all day, but if it'll get me to drink more its worth it. dehydration is my enemy...i tend to faint :L

my crazy ex has been texting me...i really need to change my number. i think he's trying to prove he's sorry but i dont want to speak to him. period. ive moved on, and i got more important things to worry about. but he cant take it so im going to change my number. my mother is telling me to go to the police, but i dont want to. ive had enough of them i wanna get on with my life.

my current boyfriend hasnt said anything about the anorexic comments i made on Saturday...thank god. i suppose he just thinks that i was drunk and that i didnt mean it. as i said loads of other things that were complete bullshit. ill prob find it all quite funny in a few weeks time but right now the memory is still raw and quite embarrassing.
im going to read all you're blogs now as i am very behind...which i apoligise for :L

chow 4 now


Saturday, 21 March 2009

hiaa guyss

hiaa people...
omg i love you so guys left 5 comments on my last post....i love ya :)

well you'll be happy to now i didnt eat burgers or hot dogs...
they are disgusting anyway...even worse than just plain meet to be honest...who really knows whats in burgers or hot dogs.

today i went shopping for mother's day then i went out to watch the rugby match then i got really drunk. dont ask me why, there was no need. but i did anyway. my boyfriend looked after me. i love him. he's gorgeous an looks after me. but i ended up telling him anorexic things like for example...
im fat as fuck i dont deserve to live....(no offensive ment to be caused...i was really drunk im very sorry ) but at the end of the day thats how i really feel.

and he's kinda worried abou me right now. but ill sort it out. im good with things like that.

hope your all good guys...i honestly do love you all


Friday, 20 March 2009


just leaving a quick post before i go out...
one of my friends is having a determined not to eat anything though :)

i done well today. well not that great but better than before.
i had 2 98 cal cereal bars and not enough water to keep anything alive.
i need to get into the habit of drinking loads again, ive sorta lost it. its no good unless you drink water folks!!

i did just plan on weighing myself but my mams boyfriend is working in their bedroom so i dun really wanna do it now...he might get nosey. totally amazed i got like 41 followers. thanks for having interest in such a freaks life.

i got two aims for to acheive by next friday:

back to my old binges, pigging out, or not doing exercise or drinking not enough water.

start properly GCSE's are like 5 weeks away an i no fuck all...i need to stop putting my social life 1st...tonight is a good example. :P

and another aim is

stop neglecting my blog readers...i have been awful over the past month...i'm getting back to it though guys :)

lovee you all millionsss :)

Thursday, 19 March 2009

hey guys

well my ex pleaded guilty. so am awaiting what his sentence is gonna be. he didnt actually rape so it wont be too severe. he feels so guilty about it too but i said i think its best if we dont communicate anymore. i wanna forget about what happened and him.

thanks for your very supportive comments ladies. it means a lot...thanks :)

over the past week i havent done too well. ive been binging to take away the pain but all its done is made me feel worse. so im back to the old me. i physically cant take it anymore.

im so worried about everything and i feel like crying all the time. this is the effect binging has on me. its torture. i just wanna curl up in a ball and die.

my boyfriend has been so supportive about the whole thing but i also feel like he's being distant with me...the whole ordeal is probably quite hard to handle. i hope he comes back to normal.

love you all guys stay strong

Thursday, 12 March 2009

Another Sorry Post Lol

life's been hectic. and i mean it.
im not sure of my weight...again
but i think ive been doing ok.

the main reason why i havent been on here is my ex.
i dont mind being so open about it now because ive had to say it so many times its not so painful anymore.
he basically tried to rape me, breaking my finger in the process.
so i had to go to the police and go through all that shit. ill have to go to court soon.
unless he pleas gulity soon. which i gota feeling he'll do.
he didnt manage to do much cuz i was screaming so much and people came running.
i hope that the last time i ever go near him. he disgusts me. i cant believe i used to love him.

this whole thing has had a good effect on my food tho...cuz i havent once felt like eating which i suppose is understandable.

sorry this is a short post tonight ladiess...but im so fucking tired i jus gorra go to bed.
hope you're good...havent had a chance to read your blogs yet...ill do it tomorrow :)

llove you all


Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Sorrry Guys!

Sorry i havent posted since saturday....
but ive been eating 'normally' (really like an average fat disgusting person) for the last few days to get my mother of my back.
its worked too. shes away now until friday evening so i'll use this time to get myself back together.
i'll be staying up my father's which will be easier to go without food. I'll just tell him i ate before i came down, he won't say anything.
I also skipped school today and yesterday. Ain really sure why, but the thought of school seemed terrible. i said i was being i didnt have to eat much even tho i ate more than i would have liked to.
I was intending on going to school today bed was nicer. i can also get all my coursework done which should put me back in the game.
my exams are getting nearer and nearer but i just dont seem to be getting moviated.
oh well ill have to start soon or ill end up a trailer trash bum.

i havent weighed...but i think ill run upstairs and do it this i go...


109 what a surprise. i should be happy with that but im sorry...
ive been this fucking number for ages and its doing my head in.
oh well ill have to work hard now. no more food.
seriously. ive had enough trying to prove that im not ana...wen i should be gettin on with being ana.