Fuck.

Today has been an absolute nightmare.
actually no. worse than that.

it started off ok...i had a nice lie-in and whatever.
my parents were away for the day, so i asked my boyfriend to come down.
we watched american pie and then things heated up.

we did what your thinking, and when i was getting dressed back into my clothes...Aaron*(my bf) said that i was looking a lot more skinner than i used to.
(i am fucking fed up of this...fair enough if i was losing the pounds but i dont seem to be!)
he said that he doesnt like the fact that im geting smaller and says he wants me to put on some weight.
(LIKEEE FUCKK!)
so i told him no. im happy small and i dont wanna change. i also said that he should love me the way i am and not be telling to change.
he started getting a bit angrier saying i looked frail and he could see my bones and it turned him sick.
i really cant believe he said this. i started filling up and told him to fuck off. and if i made him feel sick he should just leave.
so after a bit of more shouting an shit...he left.

im so upset. i cant believe the boy that i love, who ive been going out with for a year told me i turn him sick.

hes tried to ring me quite a few times but i aint picking up.
ive never seriously argued with him before and im scared.
i dont wanna lose him. but im not gaining weight for anyone.

i love him so much.
but if i turn him sick maybe hes not worth my love.

so when he left i binged. then i made myself sick.
something i havent done for a very long time.
im such a wreck.